We come into this world with total self-confidence/self-esteem. An infant has self-confidence/self-esteem that their cries will get them what they need–food, diaper change, cuddling, communication, soothing, etc. If the child’s needs are readily met and the child senses they are accepted unconditionally they flourish. If their basic needs for survival and emotional sustanence are only met sporadically or poorly their sense of self-confidence/self-esteem begins to deteriorate. If the child continues to experience depravation they begin to view themselves as not being good enough to be cared for or cared about. Their birth-right to self-confidence/self-esteem has been compromised. Thus, as an adult those who have experience any form of depravation, they need to re-establish what is their birth-right: Self-confidence/Self-esteem.

1.) Ask yourself, “What would be the worst outcome?” We tend to place excess importance on potential problems-a.k.a.-Worrying ahead syndrome. We have an infinite amount of energy so let’s apply it to creating extraordinary relationships, advancing our careers and meeting our goals INSTEAD of wasting that energy worrying. Take action on what you have control over and minimize risks for what you don’t. Then invest your energy wisely.

2.) Disengage the nagging, negative internal critical voice. That negative internal critical voice can keep anyone stuck. To disengage the internal voice, imagine a volume control and lower the volume. Or simply change the internal voice to the Disney Channel. Do you think you could take Mickey Mouse or Donald Duck seriously if they were criticizing you? The point is to disengage the critical voice by altering the way it nags at you. If you hear your own voice or a critical parent voice nagging you, it will paralyze you. If you hear a funny voice, you laugh and maybe hear the irony of your negative internal critic and continue onward.

3.) When doing something for the first time, imagine that you have already done it. Close your eyes, then, vividly imagine you succeeding at what you are planning to do for the first time. The mind does NOT know the difference between something VIVIDLY imagined and something real. Make it vivid by involving all 5 senses.

4.) Find someone who is already confident in the area of expertise you need and watch how they do it. Model as many of their behaviors, attitudes, values, and beliefs for the context you want to be confident in. How can you do this? Talk with them if you have access to them. If you don’t have access to them, get as much exposure to them as you can. This could be talking to people who know the person and/or buying their products if they have some.

5.) Act “As-if.” Act as-if you already have the habit/behavior you desire. If you were confident, “How would you be feeling? What would you be doing? How would you be speaking? What would you be thinking? What would you tell yourself-self-talk?” By asking yourself these questions, you compel yourself to answer them by going into a confident state. You will then be acting “As-if” you are confident. As you continue to act “As-If” you will notice you are acting less and less as your behavior becomes a habit. Within 30 to 45 days you’ll develop it into a natural habit/behavior.

6.) Project yourself into the future and ask if what you’re faced with is as onerous as you fear. This might be a bit morbid and yet this works tremendously well. Imagine yourself on your deathbed looking back over your life. You are surrounded by your friends and family. You’re reviewing your life. Is what you’re faced with now even going to pop up? That’s highly unlikely. Keeping things in proper perspective really diminishes fear.

7.) Remember that you lose out on 100% of the opportunities that you never go for. Nothing ventured-Nothing gained. To get what you want, ask for it. If you consistently ask people for what you want, you will get it. As you think about your goals and what you are striving for, how effective would it be for you to believe that several people out there want to and would be willing to help you if you only ask? People will help because they know they might need help in the future and you might be a source. Whether that is true or not in the “real world” is irrelevant. The belief is empowering, I invite you to adopt it.

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Mary Chapin Carpenter has a line in one of her songs that goes, “Sometimes you’re the windshield; sometimes you’re the bug.” When I’ve suddenly lost my confidence, I feel more like the bug, than the windshield.

When this happens, it’s easy to replay the situation over and over again, hoping for a different ending. This usually only makes me feel worse. What I really need is something to remind me that being the “bug” is a temporary state. I don’t think I’m alone here. All of us need confidence boosters at some time in our lives. Here are a four quick tips for boosting your confidence:

Remember a Time When You Were Confident

Write down a past experience that gave confidence. Think about why this experience made you feel confident. Who was involved? What happened? What did you do? Be as detailed about this experience as you can so that it is vivid in your mind. Refer to this experience to remind you that you have been confident before and will be again!

Make a Success Album

Use a 3×5 card to write down things you’ve been successful at in the past. In this case, success is anything you’ve done that’s made you proud of yourself. It may be cleaning out your closets or bringing in a big account for work. Put the cards in a photo album. When your confidence is low, read the cards in your album to remind you that you’ve been successful in the past.

Affirm Your Confidence

Leave written affirmations on sticky notes in places where you will see them regularly. The notes can contain action affirmations, such as “You Can Do It” or a favorite confidence-building quote. It’s best to use short phrases that are easily remembered and always use positive words. For example, it’s better to say “I AM successful” rather than “I am not a failure.” When you see the affirmation, it’s also helpful to say it aloud, rather than reading it to yourself.

Let Your Answering Machine Pickup Your Confidence

Ask friends to call your answering machine and leave positive comments about your strengths, talents and what makes you special to them. When things aren’t going well, listen to these comments to remind you that there are people who believe you are talented and very special.

Use these ideas to recharge your confidence. They’re simple to do and useful to anyone who experiences a sudden loss of confidence or needs a confidence boost. They’ll help remind you to be the windshield and not the bug!

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These concepts derive from each other and can be interchanged. Self-worth refers to man’s value, whereas his self-esteem is the expression of this value towards the external world.

What is a person’s self-esteem?

Self-esteem is a form of spiritual state, a spiritual infrastructure, on which a person’s spiritual forces develop. It is also an attribute, an urge and a unique creative energy, which may be either negative or positive. Positive energy raises self-esteem, thereby encouraging positive development. Negative energy, in contrast, lowers self-esteem and in so doing, inhibits or arrests this positive development and encourages a negative one. It will be easier to better understand the meaning of self-esteem if we view it from our own perspective and from God’s.

From our perspective, it is the level of self-esteem we perceive ourselves to have, by which we appreciate and present ourselves to the outside world, and by which we also act and react. This is also the level at which we appreciate the other. As this level tends to shift, it should be seen as subjective.

From God’s perspective, this is a person’s true self-esteem and its level is steady. This level follows from Gods declaration that man was created in His image. It is this level which the Divine attempts to persuade us to accept as proper and to act in accordance with. Our divine purpose, as well as His expectations for its realization and implementation, is also based on this level. This level is always higher, sometimes far higher than our subjective self-esteem. In other words: Our perceived self-worth is significantly lower than the true one.

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